those days

Beautiful song right? Im so addicted to it now, its so nostalgic. I have the urge to go to the beach when i listen to it. And hi. So much to think about. So much fears. So much troubles. I wish i could still pour out everything as and when i like into that bottle. But not possible anymore

A thousand fears

      Still loving this song as much. So today I watched breaking dawn part 2 like finally. And I missed this song. So sweet.

So yesterday I tried going shopping. Since I hardly do so, I thought maybe I could cheer myself up a little. Unfortunately no. I broke down on my way home as I walked along the NS campsite to my block. It just felt like everything was crashing down...... I don't know why I'm forever crying over every accumulated things. It all links up. At that point of time, how I wish my mom was at home, waiting for me. Ask me what's wrong, and i'd cry out everything as I fall into her arms. But no... Though I have many friends around me, this loneliness is not something people would understand. It just sucks, when you don't have a complete family, and you're not even comfortable or close to share every problem you have with them. People with a nice and complete family are just so damn fucking lucky. Treasure what you have okay people, treasure.

I wonder why lately, I love to bottle up. Then it reminds me of the past when I had that one person who opened me up, and i'll feel all sad again. I wonder when my true smile really disappeared, when I started forcing myself to smile and smile and smile. Its tiring. I really feel as if im letting everyone else who cares, down. Im sorry :(((((

Well I guess my life seriously changed ever since my parents divorced and more complications kicked in. I really don't know how I managed to survive through everything. If it weren't for my friends, I suppose I might have committed suicide hahahahahahahaha. Speaking of this, I went out to northpoint to get my contact lens saline just now. Near the zebra crossing I had this random thought

 "What if im so unlucky and I get into a car accident here after a whole day of staying home"?
"I wonder if that happens, who would be crying for me."

With that I was just waiting for the green man to flash... But no idea why, after a few seconds like half a minute or approx. a minute, I thought I saw green light and thus I stepped out a few steps onto the road. But actually I think it was the green light for the cars going to <<<<<<< direction. Because thankfully one of the drivers from afar honked to call out to me, that's when I saw it was still the red man and the cars from my right were slowly starting their engines to continue their journey. CREEPY MAX. I don't know what went wrong, I gotta be out of my mind, hahahahaha. Almost sent myself to death oh god. That feeling was so damn scary. Sigh.

Okay bye I doubt anyone's reading anyway.


To be honest, I don't think i'm strong. Yes I survived many storms, but no i'm just a weakling.